First blog since my last failed attempt.

So, I doubt anyone will ever read this, but what the hell.

Just had another falling out with my friends, this time because I got annyoyed that everytime I invite them to do something I only ever get "Maybe" as an answer. It's my 18th Birthday in two days, and I'm having a family barbecue tomorrow, so I invited a couple of close friends to come to it. One of them said he probably could, then he told me he'll have to come later on as he needs to go buy something for his portfolio, and I've just heard from another friend he's now not coming at all. The second friend I invited told me he won't come unless the first friend comes. I moan about it and they just call me anal.

Other things pissing me off is that I'm finding it really difficult to get along with people now. Since my ex broke up with me I've turned into a complete dick - the worst part being that I know I'm being a dick but continue to do it. All I seem to do now is work and have friends over. Getting more and more irrationally pissed off with my friends. They seem to all have these things in common that I'm not included in and it makes me feel excluded from the group. Like Airsoft. They all go on these Airsoft weekenders and shoot each other with these Airsoft guns, then spend the vast majority of their spare time talking about it.

I used to get on really well with them all too, like, we'd rip each other, but not dramatically. Now I feel like when they make jokey comments at me they genuinely mean something by it as it always tends to hit a nerve. And I always feel ganged up on in the group.

I'd better stop this, I'm turning into a whiny little bitch. (Something else they like to call me, interestingly)

I know that it's me who's got the problem, not everyone else as everyone else seems fine all the time and with each other. Or maybe I'm just not compatible with them anymore. I don't know.

I could go on and bitch on this forever, as no one will ever read it. The only person who cared enough to read shit like this even got sick of me. So it seems stupid to keep writing.

Actually, thinking about it I am being pretty 'emo' here. Like my life is one big sob story. It's not. I have 2 jobs, top of my class at college and all the material possessions I really want at the moment, except a car. But having a car, I realised, would be pretty pointless as since I have no one I'd like to drive and see, I'd have nothing to do with it. My life is a good one, I just seem to be going through a shitty patch as far as my social life goes. Which, again I admit is most likely my own fault.

Damn I'd like to find someone to really get along with and talk to all the time. I miss that. I miss just having someone who genuinely wants to listen to what I have to say.

Emo rant over. If you read this, thanks.

- Spudguy.